An essential question: why men and women fall victims of manipulative relationships and can not break free from the tactics of the perverse games of the pathological narcissist?
Let’s start by saying that the different forms in which love is expressed vary from person to person and are configured differently within the male and female dimension.
We often hear that women have absolute dedication and a strong sense of sacrifice; now without detracting from the male sensitivity it is right to admit that in the hearts of women love occupies a very special place, in fact for the happiness of loved ones a woman is really ready for anything, so the feminine love feeling is configured as a giving unconditional, a relentless giving for the well-being of the relationship.
We keep in mind that, for many years, women have experienced a condition of exasperated altruism that has led to putting herself in the background, putting the needs of her partner or children before her own. But today we live in an era in which the preponderant value of existence seems to be that of the cult of one’s person, in spite of those who ask us to abdicate ourselves, choosing a life of renunciation. Therefore women find themselves loving in the way they deem right and closest to their way of being.
From this point of view, man finds himself placed a few steps behind, sometimes imprisoned by the belief that love is above all synonymous with sex, this creates misunderstandings but in reality the sexual interest is built through a multiplicity of elements that are really surprising, as sexuality is above all an energy present in each of us, which must be expressed, manifested, otherwise we become neurotic.
Once upon a time, one became neurotic because of moralism or taboos or even because of the law. Today, however, these limits seem to have been overcome and psychological malaise arises rather from not being connected with oneself and therefore with one’s desire to live the love dimension according to the parameters of spontaneity and freedom. This means that we need to share our existence with another human being, who can understand and love us simply for what we are but, who are we, what do we want? And it is by answering these questions that we free ourselves from the manipulative strategies of the narcissist.
The awareness of what we are makes us capable of reacting and therefore of freeing ourselves from the perverse games of the narcissist, the trap into which the victim falls, whether man or woman, always springs from a lack of awareness that results in a loss of momentum design, creativity. We get sick when we fade the desire for change, which is also the desire to relate to the whole world.
Reactivate the desiring dimension, which I like to define a heroic dimension, as it involves knowing how to see beyond appearance, with a gaze capable of grasping the invisible to delve into a symbolic level of the affective relationships we live.
This means undressing any mental defense and being willing to start from scratch, with the eye of a child. It is about entering our dark room, grasping the secret that animates us, making our wound sprout, through the inner dialogue that is a game of confrontation with ourselves.
The characteristic of the inner dialogue is that of being able to destroy the mental habits that we have sewn on us, when we place ourselves in front of ourselves to become miners of ourselves it is not possible to resort to any logical criterion, since the totality of our behavior does not derive from external conditioning but derives from a type of personal internal logic that has to do with feeling.
This approach, as I mentioned earlier and based on allusion, living in the dimension of allusion means breaking certain delimiting boundaries through contact with our internal images which are also our dreams, and it is then that we become capable of creating new ones. metaphors, and this is how we definitively free ourselves from all narcissists and all manipulators, ready to take away all freedom, because if we are aware of ourselves we are no longer manipulable, we are free. The discovery of oneself is the task of constructing one’s own metaphor of life, that is, an existential project of our own and then psychological suffering can be considered an inadequate use of one’s own metaphor or rather be subjected to a metaphor that is that of another and the metaphor of the manipulator of the narcissist who is expressing his game the metaphor is something that gives meaning to reality the problem is not that of establishing whether reality is true or not because the only question to ask is whether what I am telling is my story, my reality, that is my truth or my life metaphor and I will not wear that of another.
Understanding this metaphor means understanding your own personal myth, which means being aware of your own personal equation and then using it creatively. In other words, the victim of the narcissist must overcome the crystallization of his metaphor that makes him live within a dogma, making him a kind of fundamentalist as we would say today, that is, a psychological fundamentalist. Here then, our evolution can restart thanks to a creative process that allows a personal elaboration of our life metaphor.
The victim of the narcissist has been dazzled and has structured a false personality, a false self with which he hopes to preserve the appearance, the affection of the returning manipulator, adapting to his model. But in conforming to him, the victim distances himself from himself and betrays his true desires, this betrayal of himself becomes a betrayal of his own personal myth, therefore, the problem concerns being prisoners of a deadly metaphor, which feeds on failing emotional relationships in a compulsion to repeat the same alienating myth over and over, which makes life poor and meaningless. A poverty of soul that comes from a self-betrayal.
We must try to overcome obstacles, that is, the negative becomes positive, the danger becomes a great opportunity and the wound becomes like a good mother, who makes us reborn as long as we love her.