Notwithstanding that, my advice is not to even try to understand the narcissist but to run away and disconnect any contact
This is the question many victims of these individuals ask themselves. But the mistake they make and we all make it – is that you think narcissists are fundamentally like you, only that they have a “psychological” problem.
You are sort of right, but that “psychological” problem is in effect the result of a major brain circuitry deficit which nature programmed us to develop in order to regulate our emotional reactions to what life throws at us.
The narcissistic defense – all those machinations, aggressions, blaming, manipulations, and lying – are compensations for this deficit.
Narcissistic people only have desires for themselves and stay with people who supports them in what they do.
Absolutely not remorse. As the literature will tell you and as I have experienced personally, Narcissists are never sorry about any of the countless lies and acts of abuse they cause partners . They may occasionally say I’m sorry, but it’s hollow, as action and changed behavior ( they never change) speak louder than words. More likely than admit to wrong doing they’ll angrily respond “ I’ve done nothing wrong” and/ or give you the silent treatment.
It’s the Narcissists lack or conscience and empathy that keeps them from feeling remorseful for any wrongdoing. They usually know they’ve done something wrong but cannot feel their partners pain. They’re only in it for themselves, never mind the destruction the continue to reap on others. Their sense of entitlement causes them to do and say what they please.
The Narcissist will never be remorseful as the other persons feelings are unimportant and or nonexistent. They only see things as they affect them, so instead of feeling remorse, the Narcissist will feel shame for themselves. They feel shame because they have made a mistake and others have noticed. They are not sorry for what they have done to you. Shame and remorse, two entirely different things. For example, narcissist’s problem is not with being a liar and a cheater. . Their problem is with other people knowing they are a liar and cheater.
Narcissists are not capable of understanding that anything they have done is wrong, so there is nothing to ever feel guilty about. Now, if they commit a crime and get caught, they will likely feel sorry that they got caught, but they will not feel badly about what they have done.
So please let us repeat together:
The only remorse or shame can try the narcissist is only towards himself for having made out by someone and that someone can tell others who is in reality the narcissist.